surprise

As mentioned in my previous post, I have never had a surprise anything before. I am too nosy to be surprised, I guess. But this time, J and our friends at work were able to throw a surprise baby shower for me! Honestly, I didn't have any clue. 

J told me and Kid #1 that we will be having a staycation at a local hotel the next day. That is just fine. Nothing unusual since we have already talked about that several times given how Kid #1 loves staying at hotels. 

So we went to the hotel, with me hoping that I can just lounge and do nothing but eat and sleep. Just as we've stepped in to the room, I told J that I will change into my jammies and officially start the staycation. He told me not to and to just have some pictures taken first. Ok, fine. Whatever. Then somebody knocked on the door and J asked me to open it. My wild guess is that it's a surprise delivery (purse? jewelry? hehehe). But still, I told J I am too lazy and heavy to get off the bed to open the door, can't you just open the door yourself? 

So there, entered our work friends. Greeting me with all smiles while holding the balloons and stuff -- the food, decors and gifts!!!! Awwww...... Just scroll below for some of the pictures. 

I had the sapin-sapin saved for me. Hehe.  They had the cake custom-made . 

These are our well-meaning friends. Honestly, I've met a some of them, I guess, twice? They have more interactions with J. But still they care enough to throw a party for me. 

With the guys

I didn't even have my brows and lipstick on! 

So thankful for these people. For the effort, time and money spent. I wasn't expecting anything, really. Though it is customary here to throw showers, I did not expect to have one for me because, I was not really into those. I know what it takes to have something like that. Even I, I've barely participated to showers. But having experienced people getting out of their way to make you feel special, well, it really made me feel special.

So, thank you. THANK YOU. You made my heart swell.

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i don't know what to think anymore...

i am not sure about anything ...

but i feel like i am missing a lot.
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hello, stranger

i admire those OFWs really. i've already admired them when i used to watch wowowee and cried when they tell their stories. but now that i am here in another country, leaving my family behind, i can almost feel what the OFWs have to go through just to give their family a better chance in life.

i know my story is so much different from them and it is nothing compared to what they have to go through. but in terms of homesickeness, i guess we are on the same page.

even if i am with jason and aquim, i am still homesicked. i don't know. maybe i still need more time. how much more? afraid.

i really don't know if i want to cope. i don't want to not miss them. but i want to have a "new" happy and normal life here.

yes, i think of the philippines and my family back there every hour of the day, and it scares me that i am letting my day here go by without appreciating it, without even noticing it.

right now, i am missing one country while being a stranger in another. what scares me the most is, i'll end up being a stranger in both countries.
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namimiss mo ba ang philippines?

moi: namimiss mo ba ang philippines?

dad: ahhmmmm... hinde naman. lalo na ang weather. siguro yung mga tv shows pa. ikaw ba?

moi: ahhh... namimiss ko ang 9am sa philippines. namimiss ko ang 12pm. namimiss ko ang 3pm. namimiss ko ang 6pm. ang 7pm. namimiss ko ang 10pm at 11pm. yeah, na mimiss ko ang philippines.

yes. going on 3 months here and i'm still homesicked. everyday, everyhour, naiisip ko siguro ang philippines. kung 10am dito, naiisip ko ang feeling ko pag 10am sa philippines. or naiisip ko kung ano ang ginagawa nila ngayon 11pm sa philippines. pag sunset na dito around 9pm, naiisip ko ang 6pm atin or pag sunset na sa atin. namimiss ko ang tumambay sa terrace. namimiss ko ang hangin na medyo malansa at maalinsangan.

minsan nga namimiss ko rin ang traffic! hehehe.

kung ipapalista sa akin ang namimiss ko, everyday may maisusulat na ako dito sa blog ko. hayyy...
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i know...

of course, i know it. i am not posting as often as i used to. it's not that there is nothing to post. it's just that i dont want to post it yet. if i'd post it, this blog will be full of rants... and negativity.

i just want to attract positive vibes. so please bear with me, please, dearest blog.
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one year

it has been a year since I lost kutchie...wahhh!
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photo backlogs

i have the time now so i'll be uploading photos that should be uploaded months ago. i'm still on the month of january. after this, i'll be posting aquim's pics and pics that he has taken.

don't be shocked if you'll be seeing january birthdays heheheh ... it's not time warp, i'm just catching up.
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EDIT: this is hard. looking at these photos makes want to come back to the cainta. looking at all these places... familiar faces staring at me .. wahhhh.... homesick galore...
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so, where's home now?

yes, thank, God, we have safely made here at winnipeg. last may18, officially, we are permanent residents of canada. today, we have strongly sealed that title a little more. we have already accomplished getting our SIN (social insurance number), which is like your identity here; health cards/benefits for the 3 of us and a bank account.

hopefully, in the coming week(s), we'll have a job and/or our house.

we are really thankful that jason's aunt and her family are really treating us very well. they are really generous, with their time, knowledge, skills and really hospitable.

we are living with them temporarily, with free food and lodging. jason's cousin even take a week of absence at work so thay they can really help us through with the first week. they drive us to the government offices that we need to go to. let aquim play with their kid's toy, even allowing aquim to bully him. they gave us tips and whatever help that we need to make us adjust here quickly.

honestly, right now, i'm still kind of lost and in denial that we are about to stay here for good. i'm still hoping that we can go back to the philippines the soonest time possible, say 2-3 years.

permanent residency is okay with me. the government here really takes care of their residents and citizens, which is so unlikely to happen in our country. and really i am grateful that we were given the chance to experience that and a chance to shape our future differently have we stayed in the philippines.

but i can't help but feel guilty. i guess because i left my "first" family there. that i've stolen priceless moements that could have been shared together for the sake of having a better and stable future. that it seems i've given up hope on our nation. hayy... we'll see.

i want to give this a try. and i really want to do my best. i will do my best here. this has better be worth it.

so help us God.

you can view our predeparture pics here and first day here in manitoba here

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don’t burn bridges

from flickr's su yang

as much as possible, yes, we must not. this applies to all our associations, professionally and personally. sabi nga nila, it’s a small world after all (maliet lang ang siyobiz!), lalo na at may facebook na!

kaya nga ako, i always make it a point to always end my association with my employers on a positive note. aside from the fact that it is unethical to badmouth, i believe nga kasi in karma. sabi ko nga we all have our issues and differences with our current and previous employers or managers. but for me, i always like to look at the brighter side of it and not dwell on the negativity.

atchaka, careerwise, if i apply for another position in another company, most likely, if they ask for references, guess what, my previous bosses would be on top of their list, of course! imagine if i blew it off with my previous boss and/or employer, anong kalaseng reference background ang ibibigay nila sa aking prospective employer? nNot unless, i decided not to give credit to that company in my resume. or a reference would not be asked.

di natin masasabi, baka in the future, maging boss ko pa rin sila. baka maging magcoworker kami uli. baka maging client nila ako. baka maging client ko sila. alam mo na, just like in the teleserye. hehehe It’s a small world nga eh, that’s why i don’t want to burn bridges.

so far, i have positive endings naman. aside from the usual haggling and requests for extension, some has even kept their doors open for me.

“if your new job don't seem to be as rosy as you have expected it, you are always welcome to come back and work again here.”

“if you have decided to work again, please give me a call, i still want you to be in my team.”

“your resignation is going to be a big loss in the company”.

well, hinde ko lang alam kung standard dialog na yan ng mga boss. Hehehe. pero nakakataba pa rin ng puso :)

and yes, resigned na uli ako.
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my trees

in my 33 years of existence, i have a few close relationships with trees. what can you expect, i used to lived in a city and now in a suburb, where trees are not so many.

in mandaluyong, there were the kaimito and duhat trees that tatay used to climb and throw in the fruits down to us. i believe they are still living but neglected. i notice they don't bear fruits that often than they used to.

in cainta, i have my alatris tree (opposite our house). and 3 other alatris trees (belongs to my sis and my cousins), and 3 alatris trees beside our house. the 4 philippine mahogany trees (opposite our house) that were cut together with the 4 alatris (including mine) to make way for a basketball court.

the 3 remaining alatris trees were cut to build the apartment that we live in now.

then there's the narra tree in our grade school yard, which still stands there and i planned to take a picture of everyday, but only managed to take a few ones and yes, that project is temporariy halted.

i used to love summers when we had a tree that has orange flowers, a tree with violet flowers and narra with yellow flowers. while our street smelled of flowers from the philppine mahogany.

and the acacia tree on our grade school where we used play under with. these acacia and narra trees are always present in my dreams, up until now, believe it or not.

and then the mango tree in our banal na bilog (holy circle) during my high school days.

one day, i'll visit those living trees of my childhood and take pictures of them.

for now, here are some of my tree pictures...

banyan tree (balete) in carson, california

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tall trees in bohol (are those mahogany, i forgot)

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a tree in davao (looks like baobab, but i don't know)

humbug

few days (8 days to be exact) before christmas and i still haven't shopped for a gift (save for the obligatory gifts for our department's kris kringle). i don't know. each year, i feel like the "spirit" of christmas is slowly rubbing off me.

it no longer thrills me. yeah, there's the 13th month pay (and other bonuses to some) but... i still don't know.

years ago, even before december steps in, i already have my christmas list and almost everybody i know is on that list with their equivalent gift budget. and i cram every weekend to search for the perfect gift for each one. got tired? no budget? maybe.

i feel guilty for my son (we don't give him gifts for christmas, really), for jason cause i really have no plans of buying him a gift. for my mom and dad, i'll just give the customary monetary gifts. for the rest of my relatives. nada. for my godchildren, i'll just give monetary gift also. save for my 3 nieces, i'll probably grab a shirt or dress from the mall.

for my office friends, i don't plan on giving out sana, cause i feel that i'm way past being that charitable and thoughtful. like giving small figurines, coin purse, etc., things that they will find no use of. but due to constant parinig (hehehe), i might. i'm checking out little things lang sana that are functional or edible, just a small token, not too fancy. still not sure.

every year naman kasi, i get this amount and they i'll end up spending all for gifts. as in. so feeling ko, tapos na ko dun.

for the christmas decor, we have christmas lights and the christmas balls/lantern. all year round naman andon na yun hehehe

noche buena, if ever we'll have our own (kasi nakikikain lang kami), i'll just order from restos. if only i can afford to have a caterer, i will. or spend it in a posh hotel. i don't want to stress my self come dec24.

i know i should be building up family traditions for aquim. childhood christmas stories that he will remember when he grows up. eh..sa ngayon, i'm just telling him that christmas is papa jesus' birthday. that's it. i don't want to make it too commercialized. i hope i'm doing it right.
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just a post

my uncle is in the neuro icu of the medical city. he collapsed on his work yesterday. he regained consciousness immediately after but had difficulty walking. he was rushed to the medical city by an ambulance. ct scan showed that he has 3 blocked veins, 2 were old ones and a new one that must have triggered the "stroke".

he seemed okay, though, thank, god. he's conscious and he can talk sensibly. but his left reflexes are weak. he can't raise his left arm in the same manner with his right. lab tests also showed that he has an elevator sugar count, 300 i think.

i hope he gets better soon.

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this is the same reason why i am not that 100% solved about the idea of leaving for canada. life is short to be spent thousand of miles away from your family, from your loved ones. of course living here in the philippines is hard, with all that we read in the papers, those flash reports from the news. hay... tough decision, really.

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i feel good

The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.
~ Hervey Allen

woo hoo! i'm at the prime of my life heheheh

on another note, i think i have successfully changed my blogger's skin? what do you think?

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yaya ana

we no longer have a yaya.

she was our first yaya, our first household staff, and she's gone.

kahit na she's at fault, she still broke my heart. somehow. of course, i know we can't have her forever, but i was not expecting that we will part our ways the way it did.

she had her day off last sunday, nov1. promised to be back on the same day. instead went back last wednesday night. without texting/calling us on those days she went AWOL.

and that was the fourth time that she did it.

we, actually, she and jason, no longer had a lengthy conversation. cause they already had that on her 3rd offense. jason just asked her if she still wants to be with us, she said that she was planning to tell us she wanted to leave. so be it.

god. it was stressful. lahat na lang kinakastress-an ko hehehe. well it must have been much harder on my part than on her. because it was just my first time to let go. siya, she has done that several times ago, part of her job.

it's really that hard not to be attached to your household staff. kahit na sabihing helper lang yun, that we're not related. still, we used to live in the same roof, used to care (i believe) to the same child, my child. o diba, how can i be not attached somehow?

buti na lang, aquim is not that attached to her. i read some na naistress din ang kids pag nagpapaalam ang yaya. buti na lang.

hay. anyways. bukas wala na 'to. heheh ngayon, wanted yaya na kami uli :)
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old photographs

i posted before that i will scan old pics to preserve them. i happen to have some scanned a couple of weeks ago. and here's one of them.

Click here to view the picture larger and to view more

i just wish i still remember each one of them, but sad to say, i dont. come to think of it, i really didnt know each of my classmates back then, atleast from kindergarten to grade 3, i dont really remember them anymore. from grades 4 to 6 till highschool, i know i knew them but i just forgotten their names. maybe because of the anaesthesia... weheheh

btw, old photographs is one song i like. it's by jim capaldi.

"Old photographs and places I remember

Just like a dying ember

That's burned into my soul

Even though we walk the diamond-studded highways

It's the country lanes and byways

That makes us long for home"

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inner peace.. inner peace...

photo credits: http://files.colorful.cn/Forum/2008/07/15/d44364d587a3475fbbe9e163125e4c0a.jpg

i want to be like master shifu...

but i think i need to find first my master oogway...

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never make decisions that you can't live with

hmmm....

what if i can live with it for now ...?


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cheche

nawawala ang aso ko.... :'(








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what am i doing?

right now, i'm (part of the team who is) branding our website.

what do i know about marketing?

ugh.


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:(

i know, it's very unlikely.

imagine, i stopped working for a year to be with my son, to be a full time hands on mom. and now, here i am, thousands of miles away from him... hay...

i don't know what am i doing here...


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